A few nights ago I went to bed annoyed with my husband. Want to know what he did that was so outrageously offensive? Let me replay it for you.
My hubby was working on his computer and I was watching The NZ Bachelor on demand. During the episode the bachelor took one of the contestants on a picnic date on top of the harbour bridge and she said “This is the BEST date I have EVER been on!” It was very romantic and I let out a big “awwwww” because gosh darn, it was just so cute. My hubby then turned around and SNORTED. Or scoffed. Whichever it was I’m sure it was accompanied by an eye roll.
Not only did he ruin the most romantic moment of the episode, but what he was also telling me through the puff of air that came sneering out of his nostrils was “Dates are for pussies!”
As I’m sitting on the couch in a huff my internal dialogue is on LOUD SPEAKER. He doesn’t think dates are important. He’d NEVER take ME up the harbour bridge. Why is he such a scrooge? We never have fun. WHY DID I MARRY HIM?!! etc
Anyone else feelin’ me right now? No? Just me??
Alright… so hubby went off to bed completely oblivious to the fact that I was angry with him and had a fabulous sleep. I however, tossed and turned all night replaying the awful snort over, and over again.
Morning arrived and I was still in the upset. Not only did he snort at me, but he hadn’t even noticed how upset I was about it. I was playing the “Guess what’s in my head” game and he didn’t want to play.
Still grumpy, I started folding the washing. As I was folding I saw something at the bottom of the basket. It was his wedding band that had probably fallen off while taking the laundry out of the dryer.
And it suddenly hit me like a slap in the face.
His wedding band was in the basket because he washes and dries a load of laundry every morning before he goes to work. He then lovingly takes the washing out of the dyer and brings it upstairs for folding. Sometimes that washing basket is still sitting there when he gets home from work and he folds it and puts it away without complaint. In fact, I’ve never heard my husband complain about doing the washing. Or the dishes. Or the Vacuuming. Or the romantic dates that I have not taken him on.
It’s ALWAYS ME.
Holy Crap. I am a jerk.
When our son Franklin was born, I kept a husband gratitude journal for a whole year where I recorded all of the small and wonderful things Tuks was doing for Franklin on a daily basis. I gave it to him on his first Fathers Day so that he would know how important he is and the difference he makes in our home. When I gave him that book it was magical for both of us.
Every single day, something went into that journal and what I quickly discovered was what I once viewed as ordinary became extraordinary when thought about intentionally throughout each day.
The little things I might have taken for granted in the past like doing the dishes, going to fill up my car with gas, setting up a cot or picking up a prescription – all became things that filled my heart with gratitude. One of the greatest benefits for me of keeping this gratitude journal was it served as a constant reminder of what makes my husband so amazing. Why, out of all the men in the world I chose to marry him.
I lost sight of those things this week. It happens so easily when I start focusing on myself. It really is that simple. When we become so concerned about ourselves, what we want and what is happening in our world, it can be so easy to spot what our partners or spouses are not doing for us or what we think they should be doing for us, and so blind to what they are doing. In order for me to see all of those beautiful things my husband was doing for our family, I had to focus on him, not myself.
And that’s the hard truth. It is not about me.
My hubby gets it, but I am still working on it.
I’ve had a flip through my hubby gratitude journal again today, and it’s reminded me that my marriage is so much bigger than this upset i’ve been holding on to. We are coming up to 6 years of marriage shortly and I intend to be married for much, much longer than that.
If I could have you remember one thing from this blog post, it would be this: Make the other person as happy as you can, because their happiness will add to yours. x
Solid reminder on how great husbands can be. Good on you Tukara.
Absolutely, you guys are the best!
Awh, I loved this Tiff. This is so true. Haha I had a chuckle at your ‘internal dialogue’ – and no, definitely not just you :p
Des I’m glad i’m not the only one!! x
So true and yet so easy to forget! Thanks Tiff x
Welcome my dear xx
Loved this read Tiff!
I have internal dialogue too!
I’m going to make a grattitude journal for T to give him on our wedding day! Thank you for the idea x
You’re welcome, I think he will really love it and it will make a huge difference to how you feel about him leading up to the wedding 🙂
Cute wedding day gift!!!
Thank you Tiff!! Seriously that post was meant for me and your so right too. I am going to try harder this week to be more grateful for my husband and actually keep a journal too. I feel blessed! Thank you:)
You’re a pretty awesome wife jazz! Xx
I love the idea of a gratitude journal. They are wonderful and need to remind ourselves of this.This is something I have been trying hard to concentrate on this year but this will be a lovely reminder for always. Thank Tiff.
I was happily married to John for 31+ years before he was taken too soon from my life by nasty evil Cancer. Everything you wrote was totally true and worthy of shouting from the rooftops. Marriages break down because of lack of communication and understanding, and being Grateful to someone and for something everyday was something we did as a couple.
Only thing I would add – as women we are very guilty of expecting our partners to read our minds. Men can’t and don’t get it! They cannot tell that we are miffed or giving them the silent treatment because we are annoyed with them! Speak up ladies – tell your man what’s on your mind! And I bet that “Snort” Tiffany wasn’t even what you thought it was!! We read too much into things and build it up in to mountains!! Before getting married, John made me promise never to sulk! He said I cannot read your mind and I bet you wont be able to read mine! He was so right!!
He did the folding too ….
You taught me so many valuable lessons growing up Mrs Bunn and this is another example of why I have always looked up to you. Thank you for sharing this insight. You are so right, we do expect our husband’s to be mind readers which is why I noted I often play that crazy game of please guess why i’m angry and make it better. Thank you for your shining example xx
Thank you for sharing. I think this blog post deserves to be published on LDS Living. Your words couldn’t be any truer and I think many people/women can relate. Everyone needs a gratitude journal! Hugs from sunny California!
Thank you for your lovely comment Liza. Not sure it would make it on LDS living, I used the words holy crap and jerk! ha ha x
Loved it Tiff! What a great read 🙂 this is all so true and a good reminder for all the ladies in the world 😉 I can’t wait to read this to Nate to have a laugh together, this is so normal and the reality hehe. Love the gratitude journal. You are amazing X
Haha, nope it’s not just you. ;-D Great reminder – thank you.
Ah I’m glad! He he Always better to know you aren’t the only one.